Spare Time
In my previous blog post I told you about how my future plans were derailed by illness and I started on my art career with renewed enthusiasm. What I didn’t explain was that I had tried to go down this path around twelve years ago and failed. Perhaps failed is a rather harsh word to use. It wasn’t as simple as that. There were many external factors keeping me from reaching my full potential and I had no support or guidance from anyone. I had a lot of well-meaning people telling me to get a job that pays well, so that I can do my art ‘in my spare time’ and not rely on it to pay the bills. Sounds like sage advice, right? It makes sense to ensure that your basic needs are met before embarking on a career that is unstable, uncertain and risky…right?
Right? Really? Let’s pick that apart, shall we? First of all, lets all agree that being an artist isn’t a choice, it’s something you’re born into. It’s in our DNA and, even though sometimes we’re not physically creating something, it’s always there simmering under the surface with ideas and experiments that are waiting to be released. So, deciding to choose a job that pays well may help to afford the art materials, but may also stifle creativity and leave the artist feeling unfulfilled and lost. Perhaps that’s why so many artists I know have told me that they spent a long time ‘drifting from job to job’. I did this myself and, although some of the jobs I had were enjoyable to start, I always ended up feeling bored and as though something was missing.
I took other’s advice about doing art ‘in my spare time’. This phrase always gets me going. It’s so regimented. There are a certain number of hours in a day and a huge chunk of those are taken up by work (in the mainstream world). Those hours are no longer yours, they belong to your boss, your customers/clients, your colleagues. There’s no flexibility there and what’s left over (after sleeping, washing, eating, exercising, housework, family/friends time) is ‘spare’. Trying to create art in these random slots of spare time (ten minutes here and there, maybe an hour max at the weekend) was almost impossible. The quality of the work suffered and that time was used to create things that were easily achievable in a short space of time – so no experimenting, practising and honing skills or learning new techniques. My art suffered and so did I, until I just stopped trying anymore.
I wonder how many of you reading this have done the same?
This time around, with no pressure of having to conform to society and get a ‘proper job’ (thank you Ulcerative Colitis), I am starting to realise that the ‘unstable, uncertain and risky’ career that chose me from birth is actually what makes me feel stable, certain and safe in a currently turbulent world. Art is my therapy and self-expression; it helps me to make sense of world events and the emotions and experiences we all have. Every day is ‘spare time’ and I get to fill it with art.
Also, this time around, I have the support and guidance of the United ArtSpace (UAS) and all of the lovely artist friends I’ve made in the UAS Hub. Without them, I wouldn’t have made the difficult decision to not return to my Master’s course after getting ill and, instead, follow my heart and passion for art. Everything is now as it should be. Just for today, I am a healthy, happy artist…full time 😉
Success
I am an artist with a very clear and powerful vision: to be successful and help others along the way. Success, to me, isn’t the temporary media version of fame – a ‘one hit wonder’ or a fashionable statement of the times – it’s far more simplistic: doing what I love everyday and making a decent living from it (bills paid, no debt, a little extra for holidays and the luxuries of life).
I thought I was on the road to success in the summer of 2019. I had left my job in Mental Health to begin a Masters in Social Work – a 2-year intensive course at a great university, with work placements and an opportunity to specialise in my chosen field of Adult Mental Health.
I had left a problematic relationship and moved into a shared house, which was not where I wanted to be living, but I was happy as it was part of the plan to be independent, work hard on the course and become a successful Social Worker.
However, a power greater than I decided that this version of success was not for me. Call it the universe, karma, mother nature or whichever chosen deity you put your faith in…. the decision was made for me, not by me, as I wholeheartedly believed that I was doing what I loved and was on the right track to success.
So, what stopped me in my tracks and prevented me from moving forward with this goal? Ulcerative Colitis. Described by the Doctors as Autoimmune Disease: Inflammatory Bowel Disease. Described by me as A Great Big Kick in The Guts! Yes, the universe had spoken and kicked me off course (literally, as there was no way I could continue whilst experiencing such horrific UC symptoms) and forced me to stay home.
New plan: figure out the cause of my sudden UC illness; work out my triggers and eliminate them; give my diet a complete overhaul and swap my spin and aerobic workouts for gentler yoga and walking options….and get back on course for September 2020. I was still determined to chase the version of success that I believed was best for me.
Did you notice though? I started this blog with “I am an Artist”, not “I am a Social Worker”.
It’s the end of 2021. If I had continued on my Masters course, I would already be a qualified Social Worker, in the job for almost 6 months (Plan A); or halfway through my 2nd year and already specialising on placement in Adult Mental Health (Plan B). The thought of this makes me cringe…or laugh! What was I thinking? I am an artist!
Whilst I have no doubt that I have the intellectual ability to write the essays and complete the assignments on the course and all the personal qualities and experience required to be a good Social Worker, deep down in my gut (excuse the UC pun!) I know that I was meant to have a different life. A life full of creativity, beauty, wonder and excitement. One that offers up design challenges, ‘happy accidents’, opportunities for collaboration with likeminded creatives, and a flexible, easy-going pace. I just needed that kick in the gut to give me time to stop, reflect, and follow my intuition.
I am so grateful for my UC diagnosis. Without it, I would still be on the wrong path and, quite likely, making myself more and more ill with every decision I made. Since my diagnosis I have had huge successes with alternative therapies (I’ll talk about these in future blog posts), but for now I’ll end with this thought: as a woman in my 40s I feel blessed to have the opportunity to start my life over as many times as I need to; to have the support of wonderful friends (new and old) in artistic and wellbeing communities; and a constant, flickering flame of hope deep within, which never fails to guide me towards a healthier version of success.
I AM AN ARTIST. I AM AN ULCERATIVE COLITIS WARRIOR. I AM.
Welcome post
Welcome to my blog, where I'll be talking about all things relating to art, wellbeing, and life in general. If you relate to any of my posts, or just want to connect, please leave a comment here, or use the contact page. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy the posts!